Supporting Domestic Violence Victims

Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is the use of physical, sexual, threatening or emotional force to frighten, intimidate and control an intimate partner. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior that occurs over time. This abuse often escalates and may become worse with time.

Abusive partners use combinations of behavior to control a survivor. Even if you have never experienced physical harm by a partner, but are afraid and controlled by your partner’s actions (shouting, throwing things or threats), you are being abused.

This type of violence can occur among heterosexual or same-sex couples and does not require sexual intimacy.

It’s Not Your Fault

“Abused” describes what has happened to you – not who you are. This term tends to imply that someone in an abusive relationship is a victim, weak or helpless. The truth is that many people in abusive relationships have great inner strength and are often there for others, including children. No matter what a controlling or abusive partner tells you (“If you had done this right, I would not have hurt you”), being abused is not your fault- the abuser is responsible. Partner violence is not acceptable and it is not something you have to deal with alone. Whether you have limited finances, no family or friends to whom you can turn to for help, are afraid for your safety or simply think you could never make it “on your own,” Women Helping Women can help.

The Statistics

• 1 in four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.
• 1.3 million women are survivors of domestic violence each year.
• 85% of domestic violence survivors are women.
• Sexual assault or forced sex occurs in approximately 40-45% of abusive relationships.

What You Can Do

You have several choices. You can:

• Contact a crisis center or shelter for information and support.
• Attend a domestic violence survivor support group.
• Seek counseling.
• Go to a shelter or stay with family or friends.
• Take legal action.
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• How to Help a Survivor of Domestic Violence

  • Listen. Be there. Don’t be judgemental.
  • Be patient. Remember, it may take your loved one some time to deal with the crime.
  • Help to empower your loved one. Sexual assault and domestic violence are crimes that take away an individual’s power, it is important not to compound this experience by putting pressure on your loved one to do things that he or she is not ready to do yet.
  • Let your loved one know that help is available through Women Helping Women.
  • If your loved one is willing to seek medical attention or report to the police, offer to accompany him or her wherever she/he needs to go (hospital, police station, campus security, etc.).
  • Encourage him or her to contact one of the hotlines, but realize that only your loved one can make the decision to get help.

  (Source: http://rainn.org/get-help/help-a-loved-one)

  When the crimes of sexual assault, domestic violence and stalking occur, the survivor is not the only person affected. The survivor’s family members, friends and partners often express the same emotions, concerns and questions as the survivor. These feelings might include anger, shock and/or confusion.

  You can play a crucial role in the healing process of a survivor of sexual assault, domestic violence or stalking. Remember that exposure to this trauma can be overwhelming and confusing for both you and the survivor. Dealing with your feelings of frustration, anger, helplessness, guilt and maintaining supportive relationships of your own, will allow you to help someone else more effectively.

  You may find it helpful to participate in treatment or seek assistance for yourself. Women Helping Women supports not only those who have experienced sexual assault, domestic violence and stalking, but also their loved ones.

  Family & Friends: Teen Dating Violence

  How to Help for Loved Ones
  The reality is 1 in 3 high school relationships involve abuse. Abuse can be emotional, physical and/or sexual. Roughly 70% of high school females in abusive relationships never tell anyone. Recognizing the warning signs and seeking help is very important in ending the abuse.

  Family (Loved Ones)
  There are many barriers a survivor faces, and as a loved one it’s important that you are there to offer your unconditional support, keeping the lines of communication open. If you notice your teen’s behavior has changed, or recognize red flags in their dating relationship, understand that more than anything your loved one needs positive support and encouragement. Everyone is entitled to be treated equally in their relationship; reaffirm this to them. Let them know that any type of abusive behavior is not okay, and that regardless of the circumstance, they never deserve to be abused. Reiterate the healthy qualities of a relationship and the importance of healthy communication. Let them know that they have many resources if they need help, and you are there to listen.

  How to Help for Friends

  If you believe your friend may be experiencing red flags in their relationship, encourage them to get help. Understand it must be their decision to end the relationship, not yours. People in abusive relationships face many barriers, which is why it isn’t an easy decision for them to leave. Empower your friend with choices, and offer them your unconditional support. You may be the only person they trust and confide in. Let them know that you believe them, and the abuse is in no way their fault or deserved! If your gut-level feeling tells you their life is endangered by their abusive partner, immediately contact a trusted adult: counselor, youth leader, teacher, etc., or call the police.
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• Barriers To Getting Help
  • Fear for safety
  • Guilt
  • Denial
  • Fear of getting in trouble with one’s parents
  • Fear of not being believed
  • Fear of what’s being told won’t be kept confidential
  • Fear of change
  • Fear of being alone
  • Not knowing where to get help
  • Embarrassment
  Written by : Women Helping Women