Health:Understanding Low Self-Esteem and Solution

Understanding Low Self-Esteem  What is low self-esteem?

Self-esteem is an aspect of the way we view ourselves. It's different from self-image, which might describe a whole range of characteristics (such as 'I'm British' or 'I'm female') but without implying whether they are good or bad. Self-esteem refers to the overall opinion we have of ourselves and the value we place on ourselves as people. Low self-esteem means that the tone of this opinion is negative:
for example, 'I'm unlovable' or 'I'm useless'. Of course most of us have mixed opinions of ourselves, but if your overall opinion is that you are an inadequate or inferior person, if you feel that you have no true worth and are not entitled to the good things in life, this means your self-esteem is low. And low self-esteem can have a painful and damaging effect on your life.

How low self-esteem manifest? 

At the heart of your self-esteem are your core beliefs about the kind of person you are. If you have low self-esteem these beliefs will be mainly negative, and negative beliefs are expressed in many ways. In your thoughts about yourself you're likely to be self-critical, self-blaming and self-doubting, and focus on your weaknesses rather than your positive qualities. The beliefs will affect your behaviour: you may avoid challenges and opportunities, be continually apologetic, or find it difficult to be assertive. They can have an impact on youremotions, generating sadness, guilt, shame, frustration or anger. This might be reflected in your physical state, making you feel fatigued or tense.

Such beliefs can influence many aspects of your life:

• At work, you may consistently underperform - or, conversely, be rigorous in your perfectionism, driven by fear of failure.
• In your personal relationships you may suffer from terrible self-consciousness, oversensitivity to criticism or disapproval, or excessive eagerness to please. Some people with low self-esteem, on the other hand, try to be always in control or always put others first, thinking that if they don't then no one will want to know them.
• In your leisure time you might avoid any activity where there is a risk of being judged, or perhaps simply feel that you don't deserve to relax and enjoy yourself.
• You might not take proper care of yourself, for example refusing to rest when you feel ill, or drinking excessively or using drugs.

The effect that low self-esteem has on people depends on the role that it plays in their lives. Sometimes it is an aspect of current problems, such as depression [link] People who are clinically depressed almost always see themselves in a negative light. If your low opinion of yourself started with the onset of depression, then the first priority should be to treat the depression in its own right. This could restore your confidence in yourself without the need to directly address your self-esteem. Alternatively, low self-esteem may be a result of something else that's causing you distress - such as relationship difficulties, anxiety problems or chronic illness. In this case, tackling the root problem may be the best way of solving your low self-esteem. However, it may be that low self-esteem is making you vulnerable to other problems. These could include depression, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders or social anxiety, among others. If this is the case, then unless your low self-esteem is tackled you'll remain vulnerable to similar problems in future.

What causes low self-esteem?

The beliefs you have about yourself often appear to be statements of fact, although actually they're really only opinions. They are based on the experiences you've had in life, and the messages that these experiences have given you about the kind of person you are. If your experiences have been negative, your beliefs about yourself are likely to be negative too.

Crucial experiences that help to form our beliefs about ourselves often (although not always) occur early in life. What you saw, heard and experienced in childhood - in your family, in the wider community and at school - will have influenced the way you see yourself. Examples of early experiences that could lead to your thinking badly of yourself include:

• systematic punishment, neglect or abuse
• failing to meet parental standards
• failing to meet peer-group standards
• being on the receiving end of other people's stress or distress.
• belonging to a family or social group that other people are prejudiced towards
• an absence of praise, warmth, affection or interest
• being the odd one out, at home or at school.

Sometimes negative beliefs about yourself are caused by experiences later in life, such as workplace bullying or intimidation, abusive relationships, persistent stress or hardship, or traumatic events.

The Bottom Line

As we grow up we take the voices of people who were significant to us with us. We may criticize ourselves in their sharp tones, and make the same comparisons with other people that they did. Our experiences create a foundation for general conclusions about ourselves; judgements about ourselves as people. We can call these conclusions 'the Bottom Line'. The Bottom Line is the negative view of the self that lies at the heart of low self-esteem.

Because the Bottom Line is usually formed in childhood, it is usually biased and inaccurate, because it is based on a child's-eye view. It is likely to be formed on the basis of misunderstandings about experiences, because you had no adult knowledge with which to understand properly what was going on. Although these beliefs may be unhelpful or outdated now, they come from a time when they made perfect sense, given what you were experiencing then.

Biased thinking

Once the Bottom Line is in place, it becomes increasingly difficult to question it. This is because it is maintained and strengthened by biased thinking, which means you give weight to anything that is consistent with your beliefs, and discount anything that is not.

Two thinking biases contribute to low self-esteem: biased perception and biased interpretation. Biased perception means that you are swift to spot anything that fits with your negative ideas about yourself, and you screen out anything that contradicts them. So you focus on what you do wrong, and ignore what you do right. Biased interpretation means that you distort the meanings you attach to what you experience - even if the experience is positive (so if someone compliments you on your appearance, you might think they meant that you must have been looking unattractive before, or that they didn't mean what they said and were just trying to be nice).

These biases operate together to keep the Bottom Line in place. You anticipate that things will turn out  badly, and this makes you sensitive to any sign that they are turning out the way you expected. Also, no matter how things turn out, you are likely to interpret them negatively. This means that your memories of your ongoing experiences will also be negatively biased.

Negative beliefs about the self are a bit like prejudices - beliefs that don't take account of all the facts but rely on biased evidence for their support.

Rules for Living

The Bottom Line leads to the development of Rules for Living: strategies for dealing with life on the assumption that the Bottom Line is true. Rules for Living enable you to function in the world - as long as you obey the rules. So, for example, if you have the negative belief 'I am stupid', your Rule for Living might be 'Better not to try than to fail'. The problem with Rules for Living, however, is that, paradoxically, they also help to reinforce the Bottom Line

Management and treatment of low self-esteem

In order to overcome low self-esteem it's necessary to break the cycle that keeps it going.Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) is an ideal approach for tackling low self-esteem, because it provides a clear framework for understanding how the problem developed and what keeps it going. CBT focuses on thoughts, beliefs and opinions, but also provides a practical approach for changing those beliefs by changing behaviour. It encourages you to try out new ways of behaving, and to observe the effect that this has on the way you feel about yourself. In this way you can learn to:

• notice self-critical thinking and nip it in the bud
• counter the bias against yourself by focusing on your skills
• change the Rules for Living that cause you to enter the vicious cycle
• tackle your Bottom Line.

Low Self-Esteem, self-help resources

Resources to Help Overcome SE